Test Drive: 2011 BMW 135i

By Kevin Harrison

The definition of a cock (at least in context to cars) is someone who drives their vehicle in such a manner which indicates that the driver thinks he/she is the only driver on the road. Aka quite aggressively.

No one really wants to be a cock, it’s not a very flattering word after all. But the fact of the matter is, if you are the CEO of any car company, you definitely want cocks to be your main customer base. Why? Because that means that you make tremendous performance cars.

Cocks drive their cars like cocks because it’s possible to do it with peace of mind. It means that cocks have such tremendous confidence in the product that they are willing to push it to the extremes at all times. That means the car has great stability thanks to adjusted suspension, excellent stopping abilities because of upgraded brakes, great handling thanks to larger wheels and tires, and an uncanny ability to maneuver in and out of traffic thanks to a powerful engine. So you could say that performance cars are actually safer than regular cars.

You can’t really be a cock in a Pontiac Sunfire because the moment you try to switch lanes in an aggressive manner, you will spin out of control and almost certainly be thrown clear of the car when your seat belt doesn’t work, the airbags don’t work and the traction control (if it even has it) doesn’t work as you twist the car around a lamp post.

Jeremy Clarkson thinks people who own BMW’s are cocks. At least, he has in the past.  Now though, it seems, Clarkson has changed his tune and says all the cocks are now driving Audi’s. Great compliment to Audi, but not so good news for BMW.

Does that mean that BMW’s are becoming softer and less performance oriented? I tested the 135i to find out.

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Oh Hi: 2011 BMW 135is?

Autoblog has managed to get their hands on a spy shot of the upcoming 135is that we reported on a while back.

Or is it going to be called the M1? That one seems unlikely as we’re betting BMW will want to revive the M1 name at some point for a true supercar. We think it should be called the 135is like the the 335is, and thus, we will call it that until we hear differently.

While the name is still up in the air, one thing is certain: there will be a more powerful version of the 135i and reports have it pegged for an early 2011 release date.

Those wheels are absolutely sick. And we mean that in the best way possible. On top of that, oversized drilled discs and widen fenders help the new 1 gain a muscular physique.

We heard rumours of 320 horsepower a while back, but now we’re hearing that the new 135is will be making horsepower in the 350 to 370 range from a twin turbo inline six. Torque is likely to be in the mid 300 range as well.

BMW to Make 135i Even Better Without Calling It An ‘M’

Damn. Look at those wheels. And the overall awesomeness.

Ahem, oh sorry. We have an incredible soft spot for the 1-series and get caught up in our own little world when we see them sometimes, especially the tastefully tuned ones such as the tii version above.

And now we’ll have even more reasons to day dream about them because BMW is reportedly going to up the ante of the 135i which is possibly one of the best driver’s car’s around. It was originally thought that BMW was going to make an ‘M’ version but it has decided against it for two reasons:

a) It would likely have to be called ‘M1′ and that is just blasphemy compared to what the original M1 was

b) Most importantly, it would likely end up being as good or maybe even better than the M3. And it would be cheaper too. Having a model under the M3 in the portfolio that is better than the M3 is a big no-no. It’s a bit like vomiting on the Queen – something you definitely do not want to do.

Therefore, like the 335i, the 135i is expected to get an ‘s’ after its name. Not quite as good as an ‘M’, but better than just a regular ‘i’. Following BMW’s alphanumeric lingo yet? Good.

The 135is will reportedly get 320 horsepower and 332 pound feet of torque from a tuned version of the incredible twin turbo inline six. It may even carry an over boost feature which would up the torque to 370 for selected periods of time. There will obviously be adjustments done to the suspension to cope with the added power.