Mercedes-Benz Reportedly Working on 9-Speed Automatic

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This is just ridiculous.

In the car world, the automaker with the most gears for its automatic transmission is the same as the guy with the biggest penis in a room. It’s nothing more than an ego trip.

Autocar is reporting that Mercedes-Benz indeed wants other automakers to drop their proverbial pants and whip out the measuring tape because they reckon they are going to be the one with the most gears as they are developing a 9-speed automatic. NINE SPEEDS! WTF?

During my test of the BMW 550i GT, I wasn’t even able to make it up to the 8th gear. I would have been arrested and stoned to death on site if I had because I was able to get up to 180 kph in 5th gear alone at 6000 rpm. If I had gotten to the 8th speed, I probably would have been going well over 300 kph! And if you are a cop and you are reading this, then I was just joking about being able to get the 55oi GT to 180 kph in fifth gear.

But seriously, even if you consider having 8 gears for fuel efficiency in mind, it still doesn’t work. You never get to that point. You either need to adjust your speed because of a red light up ahead, or you are in stop in go traffic at rush hour. And on top of that, since it’s an automatic and therefore stupid, it can never make up its mind as to which gear it wants to be in. And then you’re just left with a jolty ride.

Mercedes, if you do indeed do this, you might win the biggest penis contest, but having a big penis is only useful if you have interested parties. And this could be the very thing that could draw customers away.

Think about it.

[Autocar]

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