FAIL: BMW X5′s Aren’t Meant to Barrel Roll

I never watched the Dukes of Hazzard, despite them having a car with a somehow sweet name on the show (the General Lee). However I know enough about the show to know that the General Lee was asked time and time again to perform spectacular stunts, not least of which is the barrel roll.

Now, the Dukes of Hazzard undoubtedly have a huge following and I’m not sure if the show ever had any “don’t try this at home” warnings, but it I’m guessing with the type of people that watched the show, a warning wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

Case in point, an owner of a BMW X5 decided to try the classic barrel roll stunt. I’m not sure how much the General Lee weighed, but it was surely less than the over five tonne X5. Plus, I’m sure each stunt required quite an intricate set up. These facts of common sense obviously escaped the X5 owner. The lack of reaction from the people recording the stunt would seem to indicate that they saw this coming too.

Watch his unfortunate results in the video above.

[Youtube]

FAIL: Traction Control Can Be Your Friend

I am one of the few people left that believes a true raw performance recipe is rear wheel drive + manual transmission + light weight = fun. That said, as much as I love rear wheel drive, you really need to know how to drive it properly. Get it right, and it’s one of the more satisfying experiences in life. Get it wrong, and you’re going to be making an embarrassing phone call to your insurance company.

Case in point, a lucky person found a nice road to take their BMW M6 for a drive on. However, the driver is either too inexperienced with rear wheel drive cars, or was foolish enough to take the traction control off when the road surface was obviously slick. If it was on, the system would’ve helped to correct the slide and a crash likely would’ve been avoidable. Either way, he sends the M6 into an over-steering drift which he (or she) is unable to do anything about.

The end result is an M6 in the ditch. The crash didn’t seem too serious, so I assume the driver was okay, but the damage to the M6, no matter how minor, is likely to cost an arm and a leg.

Let that be a lesson to everyone out there. Sometimes traction control can be your friend, despite how annoying and intrusive it can be. If you’re inexperienced or the conditions aren’t the best, you should probably just keep it on. FAIL to the M6 driver for not realizing that.

Sidebar, the exhaust note of the M6 before the crash was sick!

[Youtube]

FAIL: In Soviet Russia, Car Drives YOU!

I’m not sure what possesses people to do crazy things with their cars, but a lot of people seem to expect them to be capable of anything.

Case in point, a couple of men in Russia deemed it possible for their Bentley Continental GT to handle the elements of off-roading. Not only that, but they also figured they might as well attempt to do a few donuts on the grass on a very enclosed space with lots of cars and people around.

Well, they pretty much got what they deserved, but that makes it no less painful to watch.

The strange part is they seem to show off to the crowd afterward. Really? You’re proud of crashing your Bentley in a very foolish way? That’s kinda like being proud of your erectile dysfunction.

[Youtube]

FAIL: Yaris Batmobile

Either batman has been hit hard by the recession, or some douchebag thinks he actually is batman. Either way it’s a fail, but it’s likely the latter.

I’m not sure what possesses people to take perfectly fine cars and then transform them into their nerdy wet dreams, but it’s starting to get out of control. As proof, some fool did this to a brand new 2010 Toyota Yaris – one of the last car’s to ever be associated with the batmobile.

I sincerely hope one of this guy’s friends punched him in the nose for doing this to his car.

Oh wait, he probably has no friends.

[VW Vortex]

FAIL: Reporter Showcases His Apparent Lack of Strength

Oh, journalism. There were many times when I found myself doing a stand-up and something embarrassing would happen: a bird taking a shit on my microphone, or a fire alarm going off just as I was about to sign off. Luckily, it was never live, so I just would do another take.

Luckily for this reporter, his story also wasn’t live. According to him, it only takes someone a hammer, an empty parking lot and a few seconds to break into your car and steal it….but only if that person has enough upper body strength to actually break the glass.

After several hilarious attemps, we see that the reporter needs a gym membership as a fat oldler man was able to break the glass just fine. The reporter was able to eventually break the glass about a year later, but even then he had to use two hands.

Thanks for the hilarious FAIL, fellow journalist.

[Break.com]

FAIL: You Aren’t John McClane

Alright, Die Hard 4 (also known as Live Free, Die Hard) is one of my guilty pleasures. Well, all the Die Hards are. And come to think about it, I don’t even feel guilty about liking them, John McClane is one of the most hilariously awesome movie characters ever created.

If you’ve ever seen the fourth installment of Die Hard, you likely remember when a very frustrated McClane uses a police car to “kill” a pesky helicopter chasing them through the streets with a machine gun. How does he do this? Well he drives the police cruiser to a high speed, jumps out at the last second and the police car catapults itself off the toll booth into the helicopter. It’s so stupid that I love it.

Anyway, apparently Yasmina Villasna tried to pull off something similar in her Chevy Impala. The only problem was there was no helicopter chasing her. Wait, that wasn’t the only problem. The other BIG problem was that she was allegedly drunk behind the wheel. Not cool. She wasn’t hurt and was arrested for DUI.

FAIL.

[Unfair Park]

FAIL: Safety Car Causes Crash

Ah, irony.

Check out the video above where Chevy’s new Cruze gets ‘safety car’ honours for this race, yet hilariously enough, doesn’t drive so safely. In fact it actually causes an accident. If I were the BMW driver, I would be furious.

Let this be a lesson to all you oblivious drivers: Always check your blind spot and never pull into a lane in front of a car that’s going way faster than you are.

[FAIL Blog]

FAIL: Prius Driver Jailed for Racing?!

Huh?

I recently tested the 2010 Toyota Prius, and even though it isn’t the car for me, I came away quite impressed. One of the things that impressed me was its unexpected power. The Prius can get from 0-100 in 9.8 seconds. That isn’t fast enough to induce any sort of thrills, but for a hybrid, that’s pretty damned good. I even pondered whether I should even mention the Prius’ 0-100 time because I figured no one remotely interested in a Prius would really care. Speed = lots of fuel consumption after all. Apparently I was wrong.

Timothy Hird from Georgia seemingly had a fit of road rage as he was unimpressed with the way a Honda Civic was driving. He then decided to show non-hybrid owners just how fast his Prius could go by racing the Civic. There was lots of back and fourth yelling, and the Prius was apparently able to hold its own, but in the end, a close call with a police officer ended the Civic vs Prius affair.

Both drivers were booked for wreckless driving and Hird even got thrown in jail for it. All this just to prove your Prius is faster than people think?

[Top Speed]

FAIL: Making the Toyota Sienna Cool

Now, here’s the thing. There are certain vehicles out there that really seem to resonate with the people. This inevitably translates into celebs buying said vehicles because it is the latest cool thing to do. The Lincoln Navigator, the Cadillac Escalade, the Mercedes-Benz any-model and even the Toyota Prius all come to mind. In fact, I’ve pointed out that the new Chevy Camaro will be the new hot car in Hollywood as Lebron James & Ludacris seem to be all over it. Young Jeezy even made a song called “Camaro”.

Rick Ross also has several songs dedicated to Maybach’s, and Luda even did a song about the Cadillac Deville. There’s no doubt that certain vehicles make an impact on certain celebrities rappers. One vehicle yet to have a rap song made about it is the Toyota Sienna minivan…until now.

I’m all for good hearted goofy rap spoofs, but this one really isn’t funny. It’s trying too hard to get laughs and we know when you try too hard to get laughs you end up with Carrot Top.

The thing is, it is possible to make a funny rap song about a traditionally ‘uncool’ car. The Casual Mafia was able to make an amusing song about the Toyota Prius. This video, however, tries to do the same thing but falls quite short, even though it appears to be much more high budget. Oh and the song is called “Swagger Wagon” which would work if the Sienna was a wagon. Since it isn’t, it remains an unfunny title on top of it all. At least they’re “rapping” about the Sienna SE, which is probably the best trim level you can get.

But, you be the judge. check out the video above for yourself. Thanks for the tip, Leah!

FAIL: This is Why I Park Like A Jack-Ass

My friends usually make fun of me for where and how I park my car. I refuse to park next to anyone anywhere. Therefore, I park way at the other end of the lot where no one bothers to park because it’s too far from the doors of the store. Because you know, it’s not like North American’s could use the exercise that the extra walk from the car to the door provides. Anyway, even then I only park in corner spaces because there is always some cock bag who will park next to me regardless of how much out of my way I go to ensure that very situation does not happen. And then I park on the line closest to the corner of the space to ensure no dings can ever occur from people who apparently have enough sense to pass a driving test but not enough sense to know how to open a car door properly. People usually call me a jack-ass for purposely parking on the line, but whatever. I figure if I park far enough away, it doesn’t really affect anybody anyhow.

Now, the picture above is a perfect example of why I do this. I don’t think I could describe in words the amount of rage that would consume my body and soul if I was the owner of the Nissan 370Z (40th anniversary edition too!) pictured above while coming back to my car. I would likely bludgeon the owner of the white Honda Accord along their family with an axe. There’s no way the clot who owns the Honda Accord Hybrid didn’t notice how close they had parked to the 370Z. There’s no way there wasn’t any scraping. Judging by the condition of the Accord, the owner obviously doesn’t care about the car to begin with. If there were a car equivalent of child services, I would be tempted to call to save this poor Accord from its reckless owner.

In any event, FAIL FAIL FAIL to the Accord Hybrid owner. I’m going to print this picture and show it to the next person who makes fun of me for parking the way I do.

Mini Cooper Profiling: OPP Not Impressed With Charity Drive

I try not to bash the police on this site because they have one of the toughest jobs on the planet, but this is a pretty dick move no matter how you look at it.

As it turns out the Southern Ontario Mini Club likes to get all the local Mini Cooper owners together to share their common love for the little British German go-kart. These get together’s inevitably turn into spirited drives around the area. The drives then got turned into ‘charity drives’ and I’m sure you can insinuate by the name what that means. These charity drives only happen twice a year, and this year the Mini Club was excited for charity drive number one because they had 30 Mini owners sign up for it.

To ensure everything went smoothly, the Club notified the local Ontario police department as a courtesy to let them know that 30 Minis would be driving around town so that they wouldn’t think something suspicious was happening.

The first drive went smoothly, as they only encountered one OPP officer who seemingly was cool with everything and let the Mini brigade continue on. He even commented how there was only one OPP officer up the road and that he would let the other officer know so there would be no incident.

But that didn’t happen.

Read the rest of this entry »

FAIL: Texas Police Lock Keys Inside Car

While all the serving and protecting that most police forces provide is greatly appreciated, there’s that little bit of satisfaction in deep down inside when you see the police in embarrassing situations sometimes.

In this case, a Texas State Police Trooper locked his keys inside his car. There’s nothing left to say except, FAIL.

FAIL: Chevy Silverado MLB Edition

The thing is, this could have been a WIN for GM, but since GM is GM, they had to go and ruin it and thus, they end up with a FAIL.

You see, GM is apparently the official sponsor for the MLB All-Star game this year. In addition, they have been very involved in sponsoring youth baseball leagues to help youngsters achieve their dream of making it to the majors. That deserves a WIN, right?

Well the problem is, GM went and did what you see in the pic above to a Chevy Silverado in order to brag about it. Bragging about how you help others isn’t very humble, it’s just douchy. And to make sure we know just how douchy it is, they went and douched up a Silverado for us all to make fun of.

We’re betting not even the most hardcore baseball fan would want to be seen in this thing. Subtlety is apparently something GM hasn’t learned yet and for that you get a FAIL, GM.

FAIL: CA$H Warrior Bentley Continental GT

The name alone deserves a fail. Replacing the letter ‘s’ with a dollar sign is so 1997. Specifically it was rapper Ma$e’s signature in 1997. Way to copy a signature that isn’t even relevant anymore. Also, calling it a ‘Warrior’ makes it sound like it belongs on the Klingon Homeworld.

Then you have the car itself. It looks as though it could easily be the pace car at a gay pride parade. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I’m positive that was not the intention of the Russian tuner companies when they decided to do this. Why did they choose a rainbow camouflage pattern colour scheme? And the kicker is that it’s coated with a kevlar vinyl. And if you look closely enough, there’s actually a picture of a € 500 bill. In fact, the car’s surface is supposedly made to feel like a banknote to the touch.

To TopCar and Dartz: For unintentionally making this Bentley Continental GT into a gay military baller-mobile, you get an epic FAIL.

FAIL: Audi R8 Poseur

In our quest to bring you the latest and greatest in the automotive world, we sometimes come across a lot of stupid/embarrassing car related pictures and videos. We tend to ignore a good chunk of them, but it seems as though the world will be coming to an end very shortly as the amount of under glow, chrome rims, body kits and over sized spoilers are finding their way onto almost any vehicle imaginable at an astonishing rate.

Therefore, rather than ignoring the tastelessness, we have decided to expose the lack of brain cells out there in a new category called ‘FAILS’.

In this case, someone decided to take their perfectly fine Infiniti G35 coupe, and and tack on the side blade signature a la Audi R8. While the result isn’t quite as vomit inducing as you’d think, it’s still quite tacky and unfortunate. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the G35 coupes style to begin with, and the G35 isn’t exactly everywhere you look so if this person was seeking some form of exclusivity, he probably already had it before the tasteless mod.

In any event, FAIL.